Just A Feeling
by Sorasgirl333
Summary: She was gone, out of my reach, before I could tell her not to go. I had so much I had to say and now, I don't know if I'll ever get that chance to tell you…


**Title:** Just A Feeling

**Author: **Sorasgirl333

**Summary: **She was gone, out of my reach, before I could tell her not to go. I had so much I had to say and now, I don't know if I'll ever get that chance to tell you…

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Disney or Square Enix rights along with (as usual) any song references ('How' and 'Just A Feeling') are owned by Maroon 5 and ('This is Gospel') by Panic! At the Disco.

(_Start_: Oct 6, 2013- _End_: Oct 11, 2013)

.x.o.x.o.x.

The air was crisp and nipped at my exposed face, reminding me that winter was right around the corner. My lungs struggled to keep a steady pace with each inhale. It was almost deceiving how cold it really was with the sun blazing in the clear blue sky. Each step echoed upon the concrete as I got closer to my destination. I gripped the lining of my coat jacket as I began to shuffle through the leaf-covered grass that was nearly frozen by the late fall weather.

I didn't hear anything other than the leafs crunching beneath me and some birds overhead. I couldn't believe I was here. My heart was collapsing beneath my ribs as my eyes met the dark gray headstone. I stopped in front of it and sighed. It had been nearly six months since the accident. I pulled my hand out of my pocket and snuggled my scarf a little tighter before I ran my fingers along the top of the smooth granite. The sun caught some of the specs in the stone to the point where it almost shined.

"It's okay, you know?" I heard her say. I looked up slowly to see her beautiful indigo eyes staring at me. Her smile was breathtaking. "You and I will be just fine."

x.o.x.o.

We had been together for nearly five years. I had never loved someone so much in my life, at least I never could have pictured myself loving someone like her. We were a perfect match and everyone told us. We were the typical couple that went out with friends and family and spent time with out each other so we didn't irritate the other person. We grew up on the same street our whole lives and played with the other kids from elementary school and middle school until dusk. We drove to the mall and the movies together with our friends from high school to college. It was when we were the last ones on our block going to the local college when we realized we needed to be together.

It took about three years after we initially became a couple for us to move in. It was an easy process with someone like her. She was always at ease and hardly ever let anything get to her, and if it did, she was over it by the next day. She never cared what anyone thought of her but then again she got along with everyone she met. She made you feel like you were the only person alive when she gave you her full attention. Her advice was defined and precise to each situation. Her touch was gentle and curious. I was so glad she was mine.

Nothing is perfect and I learned that the hard way. I wasn't even sure how it happened but slowly our days apart with other friends became more often and I felt like I was the only one who noticed. It had been going on for about five months and each bickering moment became more and more angry and bitter. Little disputes became more argumentative. She was changing and I wish more than anything that I could have stopped it from progressing.

I had picked up some pink daisies- her favorite. It was late morning and I decided to surprise her by picking her up from her friend's house after a fight the night before. I was tired of the late night fights to the point where she would go to a friends house. It wasn't ever supposed to be this way. I pulled up to the house blocks away from our own. She was giving her friend a hug goodbye when she spotted me. Her frown made it apparent that she wasn't all that excited to see me.

She shifted her bag over her shoulder and walked down the sidewalk to my car. I smiled as I handed her the bouquet of flowers as soon as she sat down. I saw a small smile appear from the corner of her mouth.

"I hope you like them," I said starting to pull back onto the street.

Her nose dug into the flowers, "they're beautiful, Sora. Thank you."

I reached for her hand and laced my fingers with her cold, soft hands. "I missed you, Kairi."

Her grip tightened. "I missed you, too."

We drove in silence on the way home. She placed her bag and flowers in the backset before she leaned against me. Her auburn hair smelled like honey and vanilla. "Why do we keep fighting?"

My stomach turned, I wasn't ready for these kind of conversations. We just needed one day to not think about what was going wrong with us. "I don't know," I answered bluntly.

Kairi sat up and stared out the window, letting go of my hand. I sighed. I wish I knew what was wrong or where it even began but I knew I would never figure it out. Kairi was becoming distant and it was getting harder to reach her. "Sora, I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you," I said frowning.

"Everything is. You do everything for me and all I want to do is go out."

I put my hand on my forehead and sighed again, "then don't go out." I couldn't blame her either. We were always together and grew up together, so I couldn't blame her for wanting to spend time with others. We were so well behaved all our lives and in a way, I guess we never lived out our "wild-child" moments. Now with us being in our early twenties, it was only natural. It was just weird that I couldn't break into that habit.

"I can't help it, Sora. You're too good for me." I hated hearing her say that. It was like she was trying to tell me something I never wanted.

"Don't talk like that," I said staring at the road ahead of me.

"What if I end up like Xion?" she whispered.

I just kept my silence. Xion was one of our best friends that grew up on our street as well. She was shy and quiet but was such a close friend. She kept your spirits high when you were with her but unfortunately when we graduated, Xion let the partying get the best of her. It was the summer after we graduated and she went to a party without any of us. She decided to try the alcohol scene and became a fairly heavy drinker. I guess no one was paying attention to the fact she was drinking a little too much. Xion passed out and when someone tried to wake her, she wouldn't budge. She ended up having alcohol poisoning and fell asleep. Xion passed away within only half an hour after passing out and no one even cared to notice.

It was hard to accept the fact such a close childhood friend had passed away too young. Xion's death was probably what effected my decision on not becoming a statistic. Her gravesite to remind us of what could happen.

"Don't say that, Kairi. We're not going to have this conversation," I said pulling into our driveway. As soon as I parked, Kairi got out and went inside without waiting for me.

I followed her into our bedroom where she closed the door behind her to the bathroom. I leaned against it- my forehead pressed against the cool oak. "Kairi talk to me, please," I nearly whispered. I tried the doorknob but it was locked. "Kairi, why can't we get through this? You're so isolated from me and I can't take this. I need you to talk to me."

It felt like forever for me to hear the click of the bathroom lock. I tried the door again and this time, it swung open. It was like slow motion seeing the sunlight shine onto Kairi from the bathroom window. She looked so pure and innocent with tear-streaked cheeks and the glow of the morning rays showering her.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Her eyes glistened as she looked up at me before sliding onto the floor and crying into her hands. "I wish I didn't love you." The words were so quiet that I almost didn't believe she said it. I swallowed and leaned down toward her.

"What?" I managed to say. Kairi's eyes met mine. Her cheeks were red and her lips plump.

She shook her head and looked at me pleadingly, "I can't do this to you anymore, Sora. I need to do what I need to do. I can't bring you down with me."

I wasn't hearing this. My throat instantly became dry. "Don't say that."

"You keep telling me not to say that, 'don't say that', 'don't say that, Kairi'," she muttered. "You can't tell me not to say it when it's true, Sora. You just can't when I know what I'm feeling and I know we can't do this, not right now."

I sat down on the bed and just stared at her, trying so hard not to believe a single word she was saying. We were supposed to be together, not be apart. I felt so helpless as I watched her stand up and start putting clothes into a bag. With each close of a dresser drawer, I felt the scars being etched into my mind of the moment she slipped out of my grip.

As I walked to the front door with her, she turned to look at me with tears in her eyes, "this is more than goodbye." The white door closed and I was left standing in the quiet house all alone.

Kairi ended up at Namine's house and stayed there from that night on. I laid in our empty bed every night since. I couldn't function and I cried most of the time knowing it was over. My friends did their best at trying to cheer me up but there were something that couldn't be said to make it better.

I attempted to reach out to her but I knew it was becoming a lost cause. I loved her and we were broken. She continued on with life trying to find her way through its vast atmosphere of uncertainties and complex situations. She began to hang out with people I didn't know and was probably making choices that weren't her own. I hated not being apart of her life but I knew this was life and it was going to be this way until she was ready to be the girl I fell in love with again.

I pursued one last phone call before giving up. It was nearly a month later. She finally answered, "hi, Sora."

It wasn't much, but the fact that she said my name instantly warmed my heart. "It's so good to hear your voice."

"What are you calling for?" My good feeling instantly dissipated.

"I was just seeing what you're up to. I wanted to know if you wanted to spend time together to talk," I mentioned hopefully.

"I can't tonight, I'm hanging out with Rai, Seifer, and Fuu." Her voice was quiet and nearly monotone. I didn't even know who she was talking about.

"Who are they?" I asked.

"I met Seifer at a bar and Rai and Fuu are his friends."

I could feel some jealousy rumbling inside, "what's going on with him?"

"Nothing." The way she said it made me think that was a lie. She was an adult, she needed to be honest with me. We needed to work together. Nothing was going how it was supposed to.

"I really just want to talk. I want to make us work. We've been together for too long to give up everything we've worked so hard to build. You can't just give up on it. It's been a month since I've last seen you," I said with the frustration building up. "You were always there for me when I had my low moments, let me be there for you, too."

I could hear people in the background trying to get Kairi to come with them. "Sora, I have to go. I'll _try_ to come by tomorrow to talk."

"You'll _try_?" I bit my tongue. "You know what? When you decide you know who your real friends are, come talk to me. You keep me waiting for you but at this point, I don't even know who you are. You're not the same girl who would have done everything in her power to make things right."

"I can't talk about this right now. Sora, just move on, please." Her voice was nearly a whimper, almost as if she didn't mean it. I shook my head, trying to fight off any other emotions.

"When you realize the real person you are, Kairi, make the effort you used to. Have fun with your friends," I growled hanging up. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling feeling dead to the world. I was useless without the motivation to get up. Maybe I was trying too hard in something that was dead. How could you give up on love though? I would rather die trying than to give up like her. I felt like I was drowning in the darkness and I felt like the only person who could save me was hearing her voice telling me it was okay. That's all I needed but she wasn't that girl. We were no longer that couple.

I started to gather all of Kairi's things and packed them away. If she wasn't going to come home, I was going to get her things ready for her to go. Hours had passed and boxes had gathered. I walked into the bedroom we once shared and looked at the dresser drawer. There was one picture left of her and I that I hadn't touched. It had two pictures in the frame- one from when we were about eight and the other one was from last year when I realized I wanted to ask her to marry me. I was waiting for our anniversary coming up in a few months. I opened up my sock drawer and pulled out a pair of socks I never wore. I turned it upside down and a small box fell out. Her ring was waiting for her and I wasn't even sure she was going to be able to wear it.

My phone started ringing. I glanced at the time- it was nearly one in the morning and I hadn't realized it. I walked over and glanced at the name.

"Nam-" I started to say before she interrupted me in hysteria.

"Sora! Sora, it's Kairi!" Her voice was trembling and high-pitched. "She was in an accident Sora. Kairi was thrown out of the car. Please, please hurry to the hospital!"

My phone dropped out of my hand in slow motion. I jumped into my shoes, grabbed my keys and ran out the front door into my car. My hands were shaking as I drove as fast as I could to the hospital. I looked down to see that I had brought the engagement ring with me. The night lights kept illuminating the small white box in the passenger seat. I began to cry.

The funeral was held a week later. They tried everything to help her but the internal bleeding and the shattered ribs putting pressure on her heart after being launched from the front window was too much for even four doctors and thirteen nurses. She was the only one who died that night. Seifer was in the drivers seat and when the police questioned him, he said they were driving too fast and were too drunk to realize that the road they were on ended. The car flipped a couple of times before landing in a ditch. Seifer, Fuu, and Rai escaped with only bruises and cuts.

The open casket was too much for me, so I sat outside of the funeral home with Riku, Roxas, and Namine. We had all grown up together and it was too much to handle seeing someone we had known all of our lives just laying there in the deepest sleep we'll ever know- locked away in a permeant slumber. We didn't attend the viewing with Xion and we couldn't bare to with Kairi. Kairi's parents were too broken to make eye contact with any of us and her mom cried uncontrollably into her husbands arms.

Riku, Roxas, Namine, and I drove in silence with the rest of the parade of cars to the final resting spot. Sorrowful moans and cries were heard as the family priest read versus and reflected upon Kairi's youthful life. Namine's hand reached for mine and squeezed tightly. Things were never going to be the same. The smooth dark casket lowered beneath the ground and the cries only became louder and that's when I joined in.

Every day after work I visited Kairi's grave spot and cried for nearly an hour. It was hard to deal with. I cried, I yelled- I was so upset and I couldn't do anything to bring her back. It was hard not to be mad at everyone or everything. I wanted to bring her back- to scream at her for leaving me and to hold her in my arms forever and tell her how much I loved her.

I tried to spend time with my friends and my family but knowing I would never be able to hold Kairi again always lingered in my mind. I kept the ring I had for her in the original hiding spot. I gave Kairi's parents all of her belongings that I had packed up so they could be the ones to keep what was left of her. I at least had our picture and had spent more time with her.

It was about a five months after everything had happened; I went to her grave spot and sat down examining the script on the stone. I shouldn't have ever let her go that night. If I would have gone after her the moment she walked out that front door, I could have saved her life.

I grabbed the picture frame of us and stared at it. "I'm so sorry, Kairi," I whispered.

"For what?" The voice was light and airy. I nearly jumped out of my skin and dropped the frame on the dresser. I whipped around to see her there. I felt like I was going to pass out. I instantly started to shake as I leaned against her headstone.

"Kai…?" My voice was barely audible.

Her skin was more pale, but her eyes still angelic. She was wearing a purple skirt and a white tank top. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I shook my head furiously, "my mind is playing some mean tricks on me."

"It's not, Sora," she said softly. "I'm really here. Your mind isn't playing any tricks on you."

I stared at her in disbelief. "But you're…"

"…dead?" she finished. She tucked some strands of her auburn hair behind her ear. "I know."

"Then why can I see you?"

She walked a little closer. "You know how you hear of those people who can see people once they've passed away? You also hear that even though some people can't see the dead, they know they're there because the way they can feel the breeze move around them, they know it's their loved one letting them know they're still there. Well, you're one of the lucky ones to see me."

"No, there's no way this is possible. This is just my subconscious reminding me of you because I'm here, right at your grave."

"I'm really here, Sora. I'm here in front of you." Kairi looked at me.

I stared at her. "Can any one else see you?" I still wasn't sure if _I_ could even see her.

She shook her head slowly, "only you."

I slid down into the green grass and sighed. "Why are you here? Why can I see you? This is almost torture, Kairi. I need you here, physically. But I know if I reach out for you, I won't be able to feel your skin under my hand…"

Kairi sat down in front of me and smiled, "but I'm here. You can see me and talk to me. Most people just talk out loud hoping their loved ones can hear them, which they can! I'm here because I'm not done talking to you either. Most people who pass away just watch over their family and friends because they were able to say everything they wanted but I'm not done. We have unfinished business."

"So you'll be leaving me again when you've said what you've needed to say?" I asked frowning.

She let out a small laugh, "when the time comes that I have to leave, it'll be when I know I can watch you from above and I know you will be just fine without me."

"I'll never be just fine without you."

Her eyes locked onto mine, "at some point, you will be."

I stared at her, the girl I loved whole heartedly, the girl I grew up with, the girl I wanted to marry some day. I just wanted to reach out and hold her tight and tell her how sorry I was for ever letting her go. It was almost more heartbreaking to see her and know she wouldn't be here forever- I would eventually lose her all over again.

"Can we go home?" She asked me standing up. Home. The place we once shared together which was now my own.

"Of course," I answered standing up, still hesitant on how this was going to work and for how long she would be around. She walked next to me in silence as we walked to my car. I looked at her and asked cautiously, "do I open the door for you?"

She laughed that laugh I missed so much that I instantly got chills. "I can reappear anywhere. I'm sure anyone who happens to be watching would think you're losing it if you opened your passenger side door for no one."

"If they haven't thought I've lost it for talking out loud to no one," I chuckled causing her to laugh a little harder. We got into my car, at least I did, and Kairi appeared, and we drove through town to our home. It was a silent ride but I did catch glimpse of her staring out the window as if it were the first time she had seen world.

We arrived home and I walked next to her up the sidewalk. She stared at our one story house in awe. "It's been six months since I've stepped foot in here." She turned to look at me. "Do you still have any of my things?"

I looked at her and frowned, "um, no… After everything that happened the last time we spoke, I packed them away. You're parents have them now. I'm so sorry, Kairi."

She shook her head, "no, no, don't feel bad about it. I would have probably done the same thing."

She said that but I was pretty sure she wouldn't have. We walked through the front door. As I set my keys aside, I watched her walk through the living room, touching everything and examining her surroundings. She walked through to the kitchen and dinning room before I followed her into the bedroom. Kairi walked over to the frame I always looked at. She smiled warmly. "I love this picture of us."

I stood next to her wishing so badly I could just hug her tightly. "I do too. I look at it all the time."

Kairi sat on the bed and examined the room. I sat down next to her and sighed heavily. "So back at my grave… what were you apologizing for?"

"I shouldn't have let you go that night," I frowned.

She lifted her hand up and looked at mine as if she wanted to hold it but she knew she couldn't. "Don't apologize for that. You tried to stop me but I was too hard headed to not come back."

"I'm also sorry for not stopping you from leaving the night you decided you didn't love me." I stood up again and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Sora," she said quietly.

"Let's just not talk about it quite yet. I don't think I'm ready for this conversation," I said honestly looking at her. "It's been too long since I've seen you that I'd rather talk about the good than bring up the past."

She tucked in her lips before nodding. "You're right. Let's just talk."

I sat down next to her again and we began to talk. It started off slow and almost awkward but gradually we began to talk as if we had never been apart. We stayed up for hours just catching up and for the first time in months, I wasn't sad. She made made me laugh and I made her laugh. We talked about our friends, our families, and what was new in the world. Just being with her, weather alive or dead, I couldn't believe I was feeling so content. Eventually I fell asleep and when I woke up, I did it in a panic.

"Woah, woah," Kairi said soothingly. "What's wrong?"

I sat up breathing heavily. "I-I thought you'd be gone."

"I told you," she looked amused. "I'm not going anywhere until I know you can be okay. Now go back to sleep."

I laid back down and rested my head on my pillow, staring up at her. She was watching TV contently. I wasn't ever going to be ready for her to leave.

It was hard not to express my happiness of Kairi being home. I wanted to tell the world but being able to have her to myself was a bittersweet feeling. I went to work the next couple of days I went to work and came home to Kairi. It was hard not to get excited and express my happiness when I talked to my friends. They were starting to notice though.

It was nearly a week after Kairi returned to me and I was out to lunch with Riku, Roxas, and Namine. "What's new?" I asked sitting next to Riku.

"We should be asking you the same," Roxas smiled as he dipped some french fries into some ketchup.

Namine tried to hide her smirk, "yeah, Sora. You seem to be awfully cheerful."

I put my hand on my chest and laughed, "me? Why do you guys say that?"

Riku leaned back and sighed. "Well, it's been months and months since we've seen you actually smile genuinely. We haven't seen you be happy in so long. Is there something you want to tell us?"

Tell them? I couldn't possibly tell them that I was so happy to have the love of my life back- not only for me to see but to talk to like the old times. I would look psychotic and I'm sure they would try to make me believe I wasn't seeing the ghost of my girlfriend.

"I guess I'm just learning how to be happy again," I admitted.

"I'm happy to hear that, Sora." Namine leaned into Roxas.

"It was hard on all of us when we lost another friend," Riku sighed. "But I know Kairi is watching over us. I can tell when I walk by the ocean, I almost feel like I can hear her laughing by the shore." The three of us used to always hang out by the ocean and Riku and I would always race. Kairi would always laugh hysterically behind us.

Namine nodded, "when I drive down my parents street and go past her old house, I see the pink daisies she helped her mom plant and I instantly feel her presence."

"Yeah! Like when we have a rainy day, the rain always reminds me how happy Kairi would get to finally have a storm," Roxas said.

Kairi was right. She was always there even without us even knowing. I was so much more grateful to see her and feel her angelic existence. "I guess I feel her around too which is why I'm suddenly happier."

Riku's hand found his way to my back and gave me a pat. "It's good to hear you say that."

I looked at my friends contently, "I'm happy to say it." Something caught the corner of my eye. Kairi was sitting a few tables away beaming with happiness. I laughed to myself.

My life was brighter with Kairi back and it was so nice to be able to come home to her. It was back to how we used to be minus her actually being alive. I told her how my days went and she told me about who she had seen. It was nearly perfect. I tried my hardest to believe it'd stay the same forever, but I knew better.

Kairi sat down next to me on the couch. We were watching TV when she turned to look at me. "We need to talk."

I looked at her. "What?"

"Sora, we need to discuss everything that's happened between us. We need to finally talk."

I almost felt sad. I didn't want her to go. "You're not going to leave me again, right?"

Kairi put her hand on mine and for the first time, I could feel her. I looked at her surprised. She smiled sweetly, "I was given the opportunity to be fully here as long as I left soon. And I know what you're thinking- you're still going to be the only one who sees me."

"I've missed you so much," I said squeezing her hand. She leapt forward and hugged me tight. I could smell her old shampoo, the warmth of her skin, and I could feel her shallow breaths.

"I've missed you more than anything and I'm so so sorry for everything that happened before I left," she nearly cried.

I stroked her hair and tried to comfort her. "Don't be sorry for anything. I'm just as much at fault if not more for letting you go."

Kairi's eyes looked at me. "If I never would have started to change, things would still be the same. I would still be alive and we could be together. I don't know what came over me. I guess I've always been everyone's reliable shoulder to lean on which I didn't mind. I guess I just needed to feel rebellious. But it never once changed my feelings for you, Sora."

I cupped her cheek in my hand. She closed her eyes and rested into it. "Why did you leave me saying it was more than goodbye when you walked out the front door?"

Her eyes opened and she kissed the palm of my hand, "I never meant that. It was the fear of falling apart. I wanted to hurt you so you wouldn't chase after me. I didn't want to fight with you anymore and if I just said something that wounded you, you'd give up on me."

"I could never give up on you. I tried to move on, but you've been such an important part of my life, I couldn't just forget the fact you were my life." I stood up and looked out the window. There was something that bothered me about what happened the night I lost her. "So who exactly is Seifer?"

"I met him the week before the accident," I heard her say behind me. "He was so opposite of you, an asshole, daring, spontaneous… in a bad way. He was everything I was so glad you weren't."

"Then why did you go with him that night?" I was fighting my urge to mourn her death all over again. "It was so stupid of you."

"I couldn't agree more," she said softly. "He was drinking and we fought about who was going to drive. His friends were too wasted to care. I was arguing with him to slow down because he was going way too fast. He was yelling at me to shut up and I told him to stop. The lock on my seatbelt was on, so I unbuckled to reach for the wheel. We swerved, so I looked forward to see we were headed down a one way road. I screamed and he slammed on the break causing the car to flip into a ditch. I remember hitting my head on the dashboard and the roof of the car. Next thing I remember was watching the doctors operating on my body and hearing that solid buzz of a flat line. I started screaming. I was so scared and confused. I saw all of you waiting outside of the E.R. crying. I was crying and I tried to reach for you to tell you I was there, but as soon as the doctors came out to tell you the news, I knew it was too late. The expression on all of your faces, I couldn't bare to be there anymore." She was sobbing now. I turned around to comfort her. I hushed her gently as I rubbed her back. "I'm so sorry, Sora."

"Shhhh…" I said softly. "I have you now. I just need to hold you for a while." And I did. We sat on the couch in silence as we held each other. She eventually fell asleep and I carried her to our bed and tucked her in. It was so good to feel her warmth again and to feel her stead breathing next to me. I watched her sleep for a while- so peaceful and rested. I eventually fell asleep too.

The next few days felt surreal. I came home to her and it felt as if nothing had ever changed. She was physically there and I held onto her every night as we slept. I was starting to feel alive. My moods had improved and I was starting to really live again. Unfortunately, I knew with all the positive feelings, my subconscious reminded me of the horrid truth that laid ahead. The happier I was becoming, the sad reality of Kairi leaving came closer.

We sat down for a dinner Kairi had made me while I was away at work. She didn't say a word, instead she just smiled sweetly as I ate. I let out a light chuckle and wiped my face. "Okay, what's the deal?"

"How's dinner?" she asked staring at the plate of food I had in front of me.

"It's delicious. Thank you," I said.

She hummed with a smile. "You're very welcome."

I placed my fork and knife on my plate and leaned in a bit. "Now what's the real reason for you making this dinner."

Her eyes averted to her hands. "I'm leaving tomorrow, Sora. I think you're ready." My heartbeat began to speed up.

I shook my head, "I'm not ready for you to go."

Kairi's hands found mine. She had stood up and came around the corner to hold my hands tightly. "You are. Within these last few weeks I watched your sadness disappear."

"Because you've been with me," I pleaded. "Please, don't leave me again."

Her hand gently wrapped around my face. "I'll never leave you, Sora," she whispered into my ear. "I'm always going to be with you."

I looked at her, the sadness finding its way to my soul. "Can I show you something?"

"Of course." I led her to our room and opened up my sock drawer. I pulled out the sock that held the small white box. Her eyes examined it carefully as I held it in front of her. "Sora?"

"Tomorrow marks our five year anniversary," I said putting the box in her hand. "I was saving this for you."

Her hands were trembling as she slowly opened the box. Her eyes widened as she looked up at me. "Sora, is this an engagement ring?" I nodded. Her hand found its way to her mouth. "It's so beautiful."

"I want you to have it," I told her.

Kairi swallowed. "Sora, you need to give this to the girl you're going to marry."

I took the ring from her hand and out of the box. I held onto her left hand gently. "I bought this ring in hopes to marry you. I know I don't get that opportunity anymore but it wouldn't be right to give this ring to anyone else but you." I slid the ring onto her finger

She lunged into my arms and held onto me tightly. "I love you so much, Sora. I would have said yes."

I held on and muttered, "I love you more than life its self." That was the last night I was able to spend with her.

"It's okay, you know?" I heard her say. I looked up slowly to see her beautiful indigo eyes staring at me. Her smile was breathtaking. "You and I will be just fine."

I looked back down at her grave before looking back at her. The single diamond ring caught a glimpse of the sun. Kairi walked closer to me. "There isn't anyway for you to stay?"

She took my hands in hers. "If you love me, let me go."

"I can't ever let you go," I told her honestly.

"I know you'll be able to find love again and I'll help guide you to your happiness," she promised. "You helped me find my way home and now, it's my turn to help you. I love you, Sora. Thank you for everything you've done for me and helping my spirit rest easy. The woman you fall in love with next will be so damn lucky to have you."

I stared at her eyes knowing this was the last time I could ever admire them in person again. I leaned forward and kissed her softly. The warmth of her lips were soothing, but it didn't take long for the cold autumn air to reach my face. I opened my eyes to see the world around me. My eyes averted back to her final resting spot. It was almost too quiet for me to hear, but I heard those sweet words one last time from the innocence of her heart, "goodbye my love."

I put both of my hands on the granite stone before me and smiled, "goodbye sweet angel." I looked up in the open blue sky and sent her a final farewell kiss to the heavens.

Kairi was right, I was going to be okay in the end. Life was going to go on and I was always going to miss her. Her precious life was never going to continue on without notice. It was hard to lose such a precious life when none of us were ready and she had so much more to live for. I took it as lucky when I realized I was able to have a guardian angel watching over me for the rest of my life. Having her around would have been preferable but now I knew I was never alone, even in my darkest hours. She was the best thing that had happened to me and I knew she would guide me to the new happiness that lay ahead. Her legacy would live on beyond the words and dates on her tombstone.

**Authors Note**: This was a fairly emotional story to write. Most of us have lost a loved one at some point in our lives and it's one of the most tragic feelings we can ever feel. It's important to remember that whether or not we see them or feel them, they're always there for us. This story is dedicated to my best friend who I met on this site 8 years ago. She lost her mother nearly two years ago; it's so hard for someone so young to lose their parents when they have their whole life ahead of them. She's grown up to be such an amazing young lady who I love dearly, a true hearted best friend who I was lucky enough to have as my maid of honor at my wedding. I'm so proud of who she's become. This is for you Amanda!


End file.
